Welcome To A New And Improved Life With Kadie!

Hello September! It’s a new month (well a week into it anyway) and time for a new a new start for me and for the blog. I’m in the process of moving the domain and hosting to GreenGeeks. In the meantime, you might notice that I am forwarding to to another domain for now. Eventually I will have it set up properly. Other the chrome sometimes giving issues with https:// it should work fine still until the transfer is complete. Since it is time for a new start I figured I would start the blog over as well. The theme is the same for now but I plan to either purchase the pro version of it and make some changes over the next little while or maybe look for something different and be more active in blogging. For those of you who are new here keep reading on for a back story.

Featured image by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

A Little About Me

My name is Kirsten, though I prefer Kadie online. I am a 42 year old female blogger and I have been blogging for over 20 years. Half my life actually! I’ve blogged a lot over the years on multiple domains about my mental health and chronic illnesses. My blogs have mainly been personal in nature, but I plan to change that over the next few months and start blogging more about my mental health and chronic illness journeys. As well as try and make a go out of making a more informational and advocational blog. Is that even the right word?

Over the last few months I’ve been adjusting to not being able to work a normal job anymore mostly due to my chronic migraines , fatigue and anxiety. So it’s been a bit of a struggle and I want something to do to keep my mind occupied. I’d also like my blog to possibly help others who are on similar journeys. I plan to concentrate on telling my story, providing educational posts and maybe help shed some light on the types of things we go through on a day to day basis and to let other people know they are not alone.

I know there are tons of blogs out there like this and I enjoy reading them and since I love writing I am hoping to be able to do much the same.

The Journey

I fully understand that everyone’s story is different and unique and that I can not speak for anyone else besides myself. Over the years however I have found it comforting to read blogs from other chronic illness or mental illness sufferers and I find I feel a lot less alone and like no one else understands what I am going through when I read and comment on their blogs.

I am hoping that in sharing my own journey that it might help someone else they way other bloggers have helped me. I think everyone goes through tough times, even people without any major health or mental health issues, but unless you’ve been there yourself, sometimes it can be hard to even help and support someone you know and love when they are going through chronic illness and mental illnesses.

That’s where we as a community can come together, support each other and help support those who are trying to hep support us.

Before going on further I briefly touch on some topics that might be triggering to some. Plea read on with a bit of caution. I don’t go in depth. Just some background and mentions of thoughts of self harm and suicide.

My Own Journey

It’s hard to really pinpoint exactly when my mental health issues and chronic illnesses started. Looking back now on it I think each started much earlier then anyone, even myself, knew. I just thought that the things I was going through was a normal part of everyday life. I thought everyone had thoughts of self-harm or suicide as a teenager and in life in general. I thought it was just a part of growing up, coming of age and being a young adult.

And as I said, I can not speak for others however I’ve come to realize that that’s not exactly true and that there was a problem earlier on, that none of my teachers, family or peers nor myself noticed or that I should likely have been getting some help for it. The same goes for my chronic pain, but I will get into that a bit later on in this post.

Photo by pina messina on Unsplash

Chronic Illness

Migraines

I believe my migraines started quite young. I can remember at maybe 5 or 6 years old, laying in bed with a headache and my mom putting wet cool facecloths on my forehead because I had a headache and was nauseous. In my mind, I always associated them with some sort of childhood illness such as the chicken pox or scarlet fever. In reality though my mom has said recently that she thinks they started as a child and I was always sick with something or other.

Since then I have gotten migraines off and on until about 3 years ago when they become more chronic and almost an everyday thing. I spend more time with a migraine then without each month. My migraines are not always predictable. I am not really sure if that is even a thing to say a migraine is predictable? Maybe some peoples are?

Sometimes I get auras before a migraine attack, and sometimes I don’t. When I do it’s usually black spots, flashing lights, aphasia and/or confusion of some sort and other times it’s nothing at all until I feel the pain. Sometimes there isn’t even any pain in my head. Just stiffness in my neck, brain fog or aphasia, vertigo and nausea. I’m not sure if it’s even all migraines or if maybe I am having cluster or tension headaches as sometimes the symptoms overlap.

My pain when I have it, usually starts on one side of my head, either the left of right and it’s not always the same side every time. It typically stays there for a few hours and then spreads around and up towards the top of my head and into my forehead and behind my eyes. I am often very nauseous though I seldom actually throw up. I sometimes feel like what I describe as a “bobble head” feeling where I feel like my head and body are not co-operating and are going in different directions often leaving me feeling sea sick on land or even when lying in bed. It’s disorienting and often leaves me unable to stand up.

I’ve no idea what my triggers are and I’m not doing a good job of getting my symptoms under control or preventing them at the moment. The last time I had a reprieve from them I don’t even know why I had the reprieve or if there was anything particular I did to have about 3-4 months migraine free. So it’s all kind of a guessing game and honestly a bit of a shit show at the moment. I guess I will take you all along with me on my journey of discovery into what migraines are and how to deal with them, as right now I am not doing a great job at handling them.

At the moment my migraines are one of the most pressing health issues I have. One of the top two I need to get under control. The other being:

Diabetes

Specifically Type 2 Diabetes, or so I’m told. I obviously have diabetes, there is no question about that. And I am lucky enough to be on the Freestyle Libre 2 system. Which is a flash glucose monitor that uses my phone, an app and a little round sensor on my arm. I will do a post at some point on ways to monitor your glucose in diabetics. The reason I say “so I’m told” is because I’ve actually been wondering if it’s possible that I have type 1.5 or “LADA”. Again I will do some more on that in a different post down the road. It’s essentially a latent onset of type 1 diabetes in adults and I question whether or not I might have that instead of the more commonly diagnosed but often misdiagnosed type 2.

That’s as far as I am going to delve into this chronic illness for now but it affects my everyday life. I am on insulin, have to watch what and when I eat, check my blood sugar often and treat lows which happen occasionally. I’ve been on the high end and it’s the other thing that I really need to get a handle on ASAP. I am really struggling with how to get control over it and get my sugars lowered.

Fibromyalgia/ME/CFS

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as well as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in my early 20’s. Over the years my family doctor as well as chronic pain doctors that I have seen have had varying ideas and feelings about this and whether or not I have one or both of them. I have most of the symptoms of both illnesses which are very similar anyway with some differences that point to one or the other. Ie. with Fibromyalgia I am told the emphasis is on chronic pain, where as with ME/CFS the emphasis is on chronic fatigue but the symptoms tend to overlap in both.

In the end I’ve been left with no answers, no solutions and no real effective treatment and am basically at the point where I either have to start over trying to get them to figure out what is wrong or just give up. Since I can’t give up because the pain and fatigue are debilitating and affecting my day to day life that’s not really an option so as a lot of us are I am forced to keep fighting and to keep pushing my doctors and health care providers and struggling to even get them to listen to me when I say there is something wrong. Its frustrating and I know I am not alone.

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Mental Health

Depression

I was diagnosed with both depression and anxiety around the same time in my early 20’s. For a time I also suffered from agoraphobia. I have largely conquered that and would not consider it to be an issue anymore. I am proud of how far I have come. I have learned to cope with crowds, socializing and pushing outside my comfort zone.

At the moment I am taking anti-depressants again and still have issues from time to time with depression. Most recently I had a number of months earlier this year that I was overwhelmed with depression, to the point where I spent months only leaving the house to take my husband to work. I quit school, or rather I didn’t quit I just stopped doing it. I was enrolled in a diploma program through a career college for web design and I just stopped doing it and stopped responding to them. At some point I am going to have to face that and figure it out since I now am paying back over $20,000 in student loans from it. Not a pleasant situation, but I have to face it.

As of this moment I have been on citalopram (Celexa) for a number of months and it’s been working well for me. I’ve gotten to a point where my depression is not a daily issue for me other then taking the medication, which is no big deal. I am experiencing very few side effects and it’s allowing me to function on a day to day basis without feeling out of control and overwhelmed by sadness and frustration.

As someone who has dealt with depression for over half my life I know there are going to be ups and downs. I have managed before to recover, go off all meds and have no major issues for almost 6 years. I don’t know if or when I will get there again, but I also know that I just need to keep trying.

Anxiety

On the other hand, anxiety is still a part of my everyday life, even with medication. Not as much as before starting citalopram, but still something that I need to work on. I get very anxious when it comes to school or work. I am currently not working a traditional job and still trying to figure out ways to make money from home. We have moved in with my parents, both to help us out, but also to help them out as they are in their late 60’s and early 70’s and are struggling with health issues and also have my 31 year old brother who has Autism still living at home. So they need help, and we need help so it just made sense since they have the room.

The situation my husband and I have been in financially over the last few years ourselves, with my health and with my parents health and my brothers issues constantly cause my anxiety to get the best of me and leave me always feeling overwhelmed and not wanting to face anything, but I feel that with a little work and maybe a small increase in medication that I am not far off of getting it back under control.

The Conclusion

If you’ve made it this far I really thank you for sticking with my rambling train of thought and for reading all of this. I know this particular post has been one of the posts I really want to avoid to a point on this blog, the proverbial sob-story, however since it is the first post in this edition of Life With Kadie I figured I should put a back story up and set it up for you to sort of understand why I plan to blog the things I plan to blog. It’s going to be ever evolving because I’m like that. I ramble sometimes. But I love to write and type. I love telling a story. I love researching, gathering and putting together information and I really love reading and writing blog posts.

So I figured I might as well start over since I am once again not working (I lasted a week) and trying to come up with ways to make money, do the things I love and maybe even help someone while I’m at it. I don’t want this blog to be full of useless things, or overly personal. I also don’t want it to be all about making money which I’ve failed miserably at it in the past, but who knows. Maybe this time I will figure it out and be able to write about things that have helped me, about things I would like to try, share ideas, information and provide support as well as receive it in return.

If I end up finding a way to do some sponsored posts that relate and fit in well with the topics and actually provide useful information and get free products to review then great, and if I make a buck or two, then great and if I don’t, well, I don’t really care because I have plenty of other ideas on things I can do to support us in my spare time that could be things other people with chronic illnesses, disabilities and mental health issues might find useful and maybe I’ll learn a few things myself as I go. I want this to be about both self-discovery as well as helping others. That’s my plan anyway. Hopefully I can figure out a way to stay home, work, blog and maybe even set up a YouTube channel. I want to always remain hopeful and always put everything I can into anything that I do.

6 Comments

    1. avatar
      Caz / InvisiblyMe says:

      I’ll second that, Kadie – welcome to the new blog abode! I couldn’t find it on WP Reader to follow though, which is strange as it does say WordPress at the bottom of the site. The blog layout looks very swish!

      Caz xx

      6 Comments
      Reply
  1. avatar
    Susanne says:

    It’s good to see you blogging again, and I’m sorry to hear about all your conditions. 🙁 Writing and sharing about can certainly help other people feel they are not alone so it is a really good thing to do. My sister blogs about burnout syndrome and receives a lot of appreciation for it. Take care, and I look forward to your future posts!!

    6 Comments
    Reply
    1. avatar
      Kadie says:

      Thank you Susanne. I am hoping to really give this a chance. I am not going to overwhelm myself and likely just start off with 2-3 posts a month. I am hoping everything will fall in place and that I’ll eventually have some good conversations going in posts with commenters.

      6 Comments
      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: