This summer has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and it all came to a head last night and I broke down. Edward and I don’t fight a lot but last night, though I don’t even remember what it was about something happened and I started screaming and went into a full blown emotional meltdown. Looking back I am not even sure why. I tend to break down when I get frustrated more so then when I get angry. When angry I tend to let it out but get over it easily. However when I am frustrated I get panicked and tend to get very emotional.
I don’t really know why my emotions are so up and down. The only real bad thing that has happened so far this summer is my mom breaking her wrist the last weekend of May. It was a bad break and though so far she has gotten lucky as far as surgery she has developed Complex Regional Pain Syndrome in the arm and is having a really hard time dealing with the pain and using her lower arm, wrist and hand since the cast has come off.
As someone who has dealt with pain on an almost daily basis for as long as I can remember I am having a really hard time watching her have to go through this. Especially since I know the pain she is experiencing is even worse then the pain I experience. That really kills me. She broke it 11 weeks ago and she is still crying in pain daily. After multiple x-rays and multiple exams the orthopedic surgeon diagnosed her less then 2 weeks ago with CRPS when all indication is that the arm has healed pretty well, however with the pain and loss of use she is experiencing she is also experiencing extreme swelling in the arm, wrist and hand and big temperature fluctuations to the touch as well.
Watching her go through this is emotional and heartbreaking for me. She does so much for our family and it bugs me to see her in pain. We are already watching my Dad decline and watching him in pain and now with her it’s just to much. I think that is where most of my emotions are coming from. Because honestly I am for once, in very little pain below the shoulders. I am getting a lot more migraines but I think it is stress related and I hurt my shoulder just before she broke her arm but I have been putting it off because there is so much else to deal with with my parents and brother.
I have had almost no pain in my hip recently and the pain in my left knee and ankle is manageable so I am super happy about that. We had a small mini picnic reunion for the McCormack clan cousins outside last weekend, so that was nice as well. We were restricted to 50 people outside because of Covid, but it was just so nice to be able to do something like that that we didn’t care. We just made everyone let us know ahead of time who was coming and let them know that they could not bring anyone extra without checking with us first so we could stay below 50 people.
It worked out just fine and we had a wonderful weekend on the beach. My phone battery sucks and we were down about 1 km from the house on the beach with only a small generator for a coffee machine and some music so I could not charge it and did not bring my camera so I have no pictures which sucks but I have the memories. I will always cherish them. I got to meet some new local family that I have actually seen around town but had no idea they were related as weird as that is.