Hmm… Wow. A whole month. Again.
Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Recently depression has really taken hold of me and I really don’t know why. I am really struggling with all of the day to day things that most people have no issues doing and I am really finding it frustrating. Even now writing this I have no idea what I want to write about. The only reason I even am writing it is because I got a new tablet. Well, we got. A Samsung Galaxy Tab s6 Lite and it comes with a pen and I wanted to try it out and I realized I could write everything out by hand on it rather then type something up on my laptop. This is super lazy I know but right how I can’t seem to put thoughts together at the same time as typing them up.
Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel on Unsplash
We got the tablet as an early Christmas present for both of us as today was the Black Friday sales everywhere. It was not a planned purchase and honestly there are other things we probably should have put the money to but I wanted it so bad and he caved for once. Now I really feel guilty for it. It’s not something we’ve done often in’ the past but something We are doing more and more, mostly because of me. Well, actually 100 % because of me. I’m not sure if that is in part because of the depression as well. It’s not something I used to do either, but this time I kept bugging and bugging him until he gave in. Again, Something I feel terribly guilty about. I’m going to have to talk to him about it before bed I think and get it off my mind as we don’t keep things from each other.
I am grateful though that I have someone who I can talk to and trust. I am guessing this stuff really is just as part of the depression I am currently going through though as this is all totally out of character for me. Sure, I want things just like everyone else, but I usually have better self control than then this. I’d also like to think I am not a manipulative person but I kind of feel like that today. It’s not really a good feeling. It kind of sucks that my therapy sessions I was having for my anxiety are over, but at the time I was feeling pretty good and thought I has fine.
Anyway, in other news I’ve decided to try and tackle the depression head on and really try and get festive and into the Christmas season this year since last year I really didn’t and then covid-19 happend in the new year and everything else this year brought us, so on Sunday we are going to start putting up the Christmas decorations. We bought a set of outdoor lights to put out around the deck and we are going to put up the little Christmas tree we had two years ago and some of our other decorations. I am determined to fight this and get back on even ground again.
Wow, for someone who didn’t know what to say…
Tablets are definitely a nice thing to have. I have an iPad and it’s nice especially if I don’t quite feel like pulling out my laptop but don’t feel like looking on my phone screen. It’s a win/win. I understand how you can feel guilty about purchases (happens to me all the time), but thinking about how it can benefit you definitely helps at the end of the day (oh great – I didn’t mean to do my sales pitch!)
I’ve been struggling with depression for awhile myself. There are days where I feel great but other days where I just feel lower than low and the world is on my shoulders, but I still have to get out of bed and go to work, pretending like everything is fine even though I am not, if you get me? It also doesn’t help with everything going on. It’s an evil thing and it can sneak up on you out of nowhere!
I really really wanted an iPad initially but the Galaxy Tab made more sense at the moment because we have a bunch of Android device’s already, the iPad is too expensive for us at the moment and also the sPen came with the s6 and s6 lite. Your right about tablets being a win/win. For me it was mostly the same reasons you mentioned and yes thInking about how it can benefit me, especially for school and business helped 😆
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I have been there so many times now. This time I am not working because I am in school full-time and knew with depression working at the same time would be to much for me to handle with a bunch of c ronic illnesses as well. Luckily this time not working was an option. Previously though it never has been for me. It really can sneak up on you out of nowhere.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this. I know how horrid depression can be. I’ve found it’s best to make yourself do stuff even if you have no desire to. I usually feel better once I’m doing it.
Try not to be hard on yourself. No ones perfect. Try to take care.
Thanks Megan! 🙂 You’re right I find if I force myself to get up and do things I usually feel better too. Sometimes I do take a “day off” and pretty much stay in pj’s on the couch or even in bed but sometimes it just makes me feel worse.
It’s not lazy at all, and I blog only once a month due to my depression and illness as well. I enjoy keeping a blog however it takes a lot out of me. You don’t owe anyone anything. It’s great that you are trying to be proactive about your mental health too, but remember that it’s okay to not be okay! Try not to beat yourself up about your emotions and allow yourself to feel and process them all. 🙂 Wishing you all the best!
“It’s okay not to be okay,” thats something I really need to remember sometimes. It’s so true! Thanks for the well-wishes!