Hmm… Wow. A whole month. Again.
Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Recently depression has really taken hold of me and I really don’t know why. I am really struggling with all of the day to day things that most people have no issues doing and I am really finding it frustrating. Even now writing this I have no idea what I want to write about. The only reason I even am writing it is because I got a new tablet. Well, we got. A Samsung Galaxy Tab s6 Lite and it comes with a pen and I wanted to try it out and I realized I could write everything out by hand on it rather then type something up on my laptop. This is super lazy I know but right how I can’t seem to put thoughts together at the same time as typing them up.
We got the tablet as an early Christmas present for both of us as today was the Black Friday sales everywhere. It was not a planned purchase and honestly there are other things we probably should have put the money to but I wanted it so bad and he caved for once. Now I really feel guilty for it. It’s not something we’ve done often in’ the past but something We are doing more and more, mostly because of me. Well, actually 100 % because of me. I’m not sure if that is in part because of the depression as well. It’s not something I used to do either, but this time I kept bugging and bugging him until he gave in. Again, Something I feel terribly guilty about. I’m going to have to talk to him about it before bed I think and get it off my mind as we don’t keep things from each other.
I am grateful though that I have someone who I can talk to and trust. I am guessing this stuff really is just as part of the depression I am currently going through though as this is all totally out of character for me. Sure, I want things just like everyone else, but I usually have better self control than then this. I’d also like to think I am not a manipulative person but I kind of feel like that today. It’s not really a good feeling. It kind of sucks that my therapy sessions I was having for my anxiety are over, but at the time I was feeling pretty good and thought I has fine.
Anyway, in other news I’ve decided to try and tackle the depression head on and really try and get festive and into the Christmas season this year since last year I really didn’t and then covid-19 happend in the new year and everything else this year brought us, so on Sunday we are going to start putting up the Christmas decorations. We bought a set of outdoor lights to put out around the deck and we are going to put up the little Christmas tree we had two years ago and some of our other decorations. I am determined to fight this and get back on even ground again.
Wow, for someone who didn’t know what to say…