The Struggle Is Real
I have been struggling over the last few months with keeping up with everything. I think that probably become apparent when I all but disappeared from blogging on both blogs. The reason for this has not just been school, although that is part of it. As I mentioned in one of my last posts on storyboutagirl.org, I have been getting migraines, serious fatigue, sleeping issues, and many other health-related issues coming back or that are new. This has caused me to really struggle again with doing day to day things or anything “extra” such as blogging.
So What’s With The Blogs?
I have decided for now that I just can not keep up with both of them and I can not keep up with trying to grow and monetize this blog for money and that I am not even sure that I want to anymore. I love the domain name. I am looking for a bit of a change. So I decided that I would just make this one over to be my personal blog for now and see where it goes. I am not getting rid of storyboutagirl.org. I am not deleting anything on it. I am just leaving it the way it is as there are a lot of old posts on there that I want to just keep there. I needed a change though and this idea just felt right.
My Physical And Mental Health
I’ve got to admit that my mental health has actually not suffered too much through all this. Even with Mango and Marmalade. I have been able to keep everything in perspective and keep the anxiety at bay. Is this because of medication? Yeah, I am going to admit as well that yes, it likely is. I know I am at a point in my life where I need to be medicated and that is not a bad thing! This is something I would stress to anyone else going through a hard time. It is perfectly okay to admit you need help.
My physical health is in a lot worse shape at the moment than my mental health. Most of it is related to pain and fatigue but a huge part of it as well is the POTS-like symptoms. Still don’t know yet if it is POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), but I have been having severe symptoms that are only partly controlled by medication. I went yesterday to Yarmouth for my first meeting at the chronic pain clinic with a team of a chronic pain doctor, nurse, physiotherapist and an occupational therapist. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised, well other than the cortisone injection I got in my hip.
Seeing A Chronic Pain Doctor
The doctor was a very nice middle-aged man who made me feel listened to, respected and comfortable with the process and the team. He went right back to the beginning. He had all my charts, diagnosis’ over the years and many “opinions” he called them from other professionals, but instead of relying on them as most doctors have done lately he basically threw that all aside and asked me to start from the beginning. They all took the time to listen, write notes, ask questions, answer my questions. He had a full list of the medications I was currently on as well as a list of past ones.
He agreed with me and my doctor that I don’t fit the classic fibromyalgia diagnosis and that he believes there is something else going on. He admitted he did not know what but that by working as a team together with him, my family doctor, the therapists, nurses and any other specialists needed that they would get to the bottom of it. I have never felt so reassured or so understood. He never questioned anything I said other than to get more of an idea of what I meant. Never once did I feel like he was questioning me myself. I have to say it was unlike any experience I have ever had, even with my own doctor who I would typically call compassionate.
And In The End
I will be going back in a few months. In the meantime, he has increased my propranolol as it seems to be helping bring down my BPM which was about 100 before starting and is about 85 now and he wants it down further as it is helping with dizziness and pre-syncope episodes I was having in the shower or standing up. It has not got rid of them but it has given me almost double the time before they start happening. He has also put me on modafinil to help with energy, fatigue and random falling asleep.
He said that he was not diagnosing me with anything in particular for a while, he is going to treat the symptoms, observe and do more testing as he does not want to diagnose based on one appointment, which I really respect as well. A physiotherapist and OT are going to work with me and see if we can get me to a point where I can get back to doing some of the things I love again and suggest modifications and (mobility) aids if and as needed along the way.